T H R E E
lets do a serious talk right now.
as you all may know, or you might not know, whatever: i'm on a mental health recovering process. i'm still looking for a therapist right now because my old therapist just decided that he didnt want to deal with my problems anymore. the point is, i have mental issues. i suffer for severe depression, general anxiety disorder and this one serious mental issue but i cant really say here because 1. i dont like it when people feel sorry for me, 2. i'm not ready to tell you about it just yet, 3. i dont want to talk about it or else i'd sob and shake uncontrollably.
anyways, getting back to the topic, i'm going to talk about anxiety first (and i'm gonna talk about depression later on another post) because i find some people walk in the same shoes as i do. basically anxiety in my opinion is the feel of unease, like you're worrying about something. well, not gonna lie, every single one of us should have a normal level of anxiety, for example: have you ever worried when you're about to sing on stage or maybe when you're going to do a presentation in front of 8384754 people? worrying about whether the show/presentation would go well or not? well, it is normal. but what i'm going to talk about here is the kind of anxiety where you feel like you over think about everything, or the kind of anxiety which makes your stomach goes sick, and make your hands shakes and turn cold, stuff like that.
being the person i am, i always thought that its normal to worry about certain things until your hands start to shake really bad and your stomach got sick and your body start to sweat. and i'm an introvert which means i dont talk about my problems to people, well, because i thought it was normal. but it's not.
i sing a lot, and when i was in high school, they always had this show where each class should send a group of kids playing instruments and sing as a band, and my class decided that i should do the vocal. i was like, okay no big deal. and when i was on the back stage, 2 minutes before i need to go on stage; my hands were shaking really bad and i had the urge to cry my eyeballs out and i cant even speak, my hands went cold and i took my phone and i text my class group chat and i said "ok can someone come over to the back stage and sing with me please i cant do this alone" and this one girl i'm not very close to said yeah sure whatever wait for me and then we sang together. after i went off stage, my classmates said that i was over exaggerating.
i wasnt trying to exaggerate things because clearly i said okay in the first place. but i over think about things, like, would people enjoy? what if they hate me? what if its not good? what if i miss one beat? and the list went on and on and i cant stop myself from thinking about all the possibilities and it was eating my brain alive so when they said i was over exaggerating, i went to the toilet and cried for legit 2 hours because i feel like i wasnt good enough for myself, for my friend, for my classmates.
at other times, i cant even order food by myself. i'd always ask my friends to do it for me. again, they said i was over exaggerating, but i wasnt trying to. and that was the example of people who suffer for anxiety disorder. people with anxiety disorder didnt choose to exaggerate things, because they were not. it is not easy to do things when you're worrying about everything. anxiety is a serious business but a lot of people think that it's not going to affect your daily activities. but it does.
its so sad, dont you think? that a lot of people focuses on cancer, heart disease; they care about their physical health but when it comes to mental health, they underestimated the importance of it. they're willing to pay a decent chunk of money for their skin care but they wouldnt even spend 1/4 of it for mental health.
anxiety, for you, might be normal. but for over thinker like us; is not okay.
fortunately, i have a group of wonderful close friends who understands that i have a really bad anxiety so they wouldnt mind standing beside me whenever i order food for myself. a good friend of mine said to me once: "you have to be brave, i'll be right beside you if you need me. go order your food. you can do this". for you, that might be a little too much since i was only ordering food but for me, it means a lot. to have that kind of friend by your side is wonderful, and that was empowering for me.
i realized that i wrote this for people who doesnt suffer for anxiety disorder and for you who might have a friend like me, a friend who struggle to fight their feeling of unease, and please if you do have a friend who over think a lot and always feel anxious about everything, dont tell them to forget about it, dont tell them that they're over reacting.
but please tell them this:
it's okay.
things will get better. and things will be okay.
you will be okay.
you're strong, you're brave.
i am your friend, and i'll be right here if you need me.
it's okay to worry, its okay to feel unease.
it's okay.
they'll get better soon, i promise, if you're willing to be there and care about them. open your eyes and see, there are people around us who are super anxious but they're afraid to open up to us because they're so used to people telling them to forget about it. they're afraid to tell us about their problems with over thinking shit, because they know people would tell them that they're over exaggerating things.
for them, having you as an understanding and caring friends means a lot. they'd feel less alone and it would mean the world to them. please dont get tired of them, dont get tired of their negativity, please dont get tired of them feeling anxious. they didnt choose to be that way.
if any of you wants to talk about your problem, you can always talk to me. DM me on instagram.com/alpinut or instagram.com/selftaughtwriter i'm not an expert but y'all can always talk to me, don't be scared. i've been there and it wasnt easy, i know. i'm still recovering and i'm getting better, and i'd do everything i can to make you feel better as well. i'm just as fucked up as you are but it will get better. if you want professionals to help you, go ahead. look for a therapist, or just talk to me and i'll give you some recommendations! <3
being the person i am, i always thought that its normal to worry about certain things until your hands start to shake really bad and your stomach got sick and your body start to sweat. and i'm an introvert which means i dont talk about my problems to people, well, because i thought it was normal. but it's not.
i sing a lot, and when i was in high school, they always had this show where each class should send a group of kids playing instruments and sing as a band, and my class decided that i should do the vocal. i was like, okay no big deal. and when i was on the back stage, 2 minutes before i need to go on stage; my hands were shaking really bad and i had the urge to cry my eyeballs out and i cant even speak, my hands went cold and i took my phone and i text my class group chat and i said "ok can someone come over to the back stage and sing with me please i cant do this alone" and this one girl i'm not very close to said yeah sure whatever wait for me and then we sang together. after i went off stage, my classmates said that i was over exaggerating.
i wasnt trying to exaggerate things because clearly i said okay in the first place. but i over think about things, like, would people enjoy? what if they hate me? what if its not good? what if i miss one beat? and the list went on and on and i cant stop myself from thinking about all the possibilities and it was eating my brain alive so when they said i was over exaggerating, i went to the toilet and cried for legit 2 hours because i feel like i wasnt good enough for myself, for my friend, for my classmates.
at other times, i cant even order food by myself. i'd always ask my friends to do it for me. again, they said i was over exaggerating, but i wasnt trying to. and that was the example of people who suffer for anxiety disorder. people with anxiety disorder didnt choose to exaggerate things, because they were not. it is not easy to do things when you're worrying about everything. anxiety is a serious business but a lot of people think that it's not going to affect your daily activities. but it does.
its so sad, dont you think? that a lot of people focuses on cancer, heart disease; they care about their physical health but when it comes to mental health, they underestimated the importance of it. they're willing to pay a decent chunk of money for their skin care but they wouldnt even spend 1/4 of it for mental health.
anxiety, for you, might be normal. but for over thinker like us; is not okay.
fortunately, i have a group of wonderful close friends who understands that i have a really bad anxiety so they wouldnt mind standing beside me whenever i order food for myself. a good friend of mine said to me once: "you have to be brave, i'll be right beside you if you need me. go order your food. you can do this". for you, that might be a little too much since i was only ordering food but for me, it means a lot. to have that kind of friend by your side is wonderful, and that was empowering for me.
i realized that i wrote this for people who doesnt suffer for anxiety disorder and for you who might have a friend like me, a friend who struggle to fight their feeling of unease, and please if you do have a friend who over think a lot and always feel anxious about everything, dont tell them to forget about it, dont tell them that they're over reacting.
but please tell them this:
it's okay.
things will get better. and things will be okay.
you will be okay.
you're strong, you're brave.
i am your friend, and i'll be right here if you need me.
it's okay to worry, its okay to feel unease.
it's okay.
they'll get better soon, i promise, if you're willing to be there and care about them. open your eyes and see, there are people around us who are super anxious but they're afraid to open up to us because they're so used to people telling them to forget about it. they're afraid to tell us about their problems with over thinking shit, because they know people would tell them that they're over exaggerating things.
for them, having you as an understanding and caring friends means a lot. they'd feel less alone and it would mean the world to them. please dont get tired of them, dont get tired of their negativity, please dont get tired of them feeling anxious. they didnt choose to be that way.
if any of you wants to talk about your problem, you can always talk to me. DM me on instagram.com/alpinut or instagram.com/selftaughtwriter i'm not an expert but y'all can always talk to me, don't be scared. i've been there and it wasnt easy, i know. i'm still recovering and i'm getting better, and i'd do everything i can to make you feel better as well. i'm just as fucked up as you are but it will get better. if you want professionals to help you, go ahead. look for a therapist, or just talk to me and i'll give you some recommendations! <3
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